Last Night’s Epic FAIL: Vol. 1

In lieu of staying in bed an nursing a hangover, i’ve decided to share my nightlife shortcomings and shenanigans from last night. It seems like I find myself in precarious situations a lot while I am out and about in the nightlife so I will share them here, on a little mini-blog series called Last Night’s Epic FAIL.

December 12th: Charleston, SC

Last night started out as many nights do for me, nothing new. I was going to participate in a pub crawl with hundreds of people dressed up as Santa and crawl around to bars in downtown Charleston. Lucky for me, the start off bar for this particular pub crawl was within easy walking distance from my house in downtown. Did I walk there and leave my car safe at home? Nope.

It was pouring down rain for most of the night last night so I decided to drive and save myself from the rain. In the end, that proved to be futile. I parked on an off street near the bar (The Blind Tiger) and got started. It was 6pm and I started off with a good pace of a few Coronas at each bar. (Pictures from last night at Blind Tiger)

Skip a few hours, a few bars, and a few drinks later and we get to Moe’s Downtown Tavern (Pictures from last night at Moe’s). Now usually I have a soft spot in my heart for cougars. Not last night. This woman was vicious. I felt like if I didn’t make a move to another bar, I was going to be man-napped. This lady was trying so hard to make a mini-skirt Santa look sexy that I almost thought it was lingerie instead of an actual outfit. In an attempt NOT to seem interested in her or her advances towards me, I did not take her picture so I can’t share one with you now. Sad, I know.

Finally, I left and headed to my friend’s birthday party on the other side of town (Pictures from last night’s birthday party). I was buzzed pretty well at this point but got a ride over there so my car was still on the off street from the original bar. The birthday was nice, I had fun. Hot girls were there, one of which with a sexy Russian accent. I liked her...(Picture of hot Russian Accent Girl is above). However, when the host asks you to be the guinea pig and taste test the “not sure if I cooked them enough” shrimp, you should say no. Did I say "no thank you" and try the chips and dip instead? Nope. (Picture of the shrimp is above, get familiar because the shrimp will return later in the story).

A different friend picked me up from the party and we headed back downtown towards the Market. At this point I am sufficiently drunk and should probably stop drinking. Did I stop drinking or remotely slow down at all? Nope. I know I have drank too much when I start to talk to anyone and everyone at a bar, whether I know them or not, like they are my best friend.

We went to Club Light first (Pictures from last night at Club Light). This is one of my favorite places in town, so I drink like I need to prove I am the best customer in the world. That in itself was not a bad thing. Trying to convince the complete stranger hot blonde chick that she should be with me, instead of her boyfriend, was a bad thing. The boyfriend was there with her (I think). It ended poorly. I texted this chick at 1:56am with the following message; “you are mean”. That is it. That is all it said. Why I sent that, I have no idea. (Picture of hot blond chick is above and so is a screen shot of the text message).

Moving right along... My friend and I head over to Purple Tree Lounge (Pictures from last night at Purple Tree). At this point, it is safe to say that I was sufficiently over the top. I was drunk. Did I stop? Nope.

Nothing really out of the ordinary happened at Purple Tree surprisingly. Granted, I hit on a few girls that were obviously out of my league and mostly made a fool of myself, but can’t blame a man for trying (photo of girl out of my league is above).

I leave. It is late at night. Past 2am sometime.

It is pouring down rain.

I am walking from Purple Tree to my car that was on the off street back at the original bar. I was not going to drive, but I wanted to get my laptop out of the car.

Not one, but two tickets were rain-pasted onto my windshield. That rings in at THREE parking tickets total for the day because I had received one earlier in the day before the night started (Picture of parking tickets are above).

This is when I start to get sick. I mean like something out of purgatory sick. It was not pretty (return of the shrimp) so I will spare you the details except for telling you who I met during this explosion. The cop.

This particular cop, for whatever reason, was not pleased with my behavior. A fairly negative conversation ensues. I explained that under no circumstances was I planning on driving my car. He wasn’t buying it. I did have my car keys in my hand. In hindsight, putting the keys in my pocket would have been a good idea. He does, after some convincing, let me walk home in the now sub-freezing temperature and the monsoon down-pouring rain.

A few blocks down the street I witness this car run smack into the back of a parked car. Seriously, it happened right in front of me. Dude didn’t even have the courtesy to slow down a bit before hitting the parked car. Cop from original altercation arrives. I leave. (Picture from wrecked parked car I took this morning when I went to get my car is above).

At this point I am drunk, gotten sick, I am soaking wet, I have witnessed an automobile accident, and I have about a few miles still to walk home. It was an EPIC FAIL of a night.